If you read my post called Living in Between, you know that for a while now I’ve felt like everything in my life is on hold. One year ago, my husband and I moved 3 hours away from our home town so that he could pursue a job and a calling. A move like that can really shake your life up; it can even feel like everything is falling apart sometimes. Ever since the move, I feel like I’ve been waiting for the pieces of my life to fall back into place. And my husband and I can both sense some pretty big things about to happen in our future, but the waiting is so frustrating to me. But I’m (somewhat reluctantly) learning how to live in the middle of waiting.
I recently heard something I had never thought of regarding the Israelites and the Promise Land. The Israelites waited and waited for the Promise Land, and finally they arrived. However, they still had a bit of waiting to do. You see, the Promise Land was full already; lots of different groups of people already lived in the land God had designated for his people. Instead of just wiping them out with one quick swipe (as we all know God is perfectly capable of doing), God told his people, “But I will not drive them (the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites) out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land” (Exodus 23:29-30).
So while I’m waiting to “take possession of the land,” I’ve got to stop thinking that each day is purposeless, wasted, and useless. That’s very hard for me because right now I’m believing the lie that I’m not the person I was created to be and I’m not doing the things I was created to do. But that is not the truth! Years ago I surrendered my life to God. Little did I know then how much He was going to take me up on the offer. My life is not my own. God is determined to raise a woman in me after his own heart…in spite of myself. I can kick and scream and whine and complain all I want, but he’s never letting go of me. He’s going to use me for his glory. And I’m not getting out of that deal. So unless I change my attitude and perspective, I’m gonna feel like I’m stuck waiting forever.
Last Sunday, my husband prayed over me and asked God to give us both some hope regarding some situations we’re facing. And God faithfully and quickly answered his prayer. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been walking around saying that I’m at the end of my rope. But on Sunday, God graciously showed me what’s beyond the step I’m on right now. Do you know what I saw? More rope! Of all things to see, I saw more rope. My first thought was, “Crap! I don’t want there to be more rope! I’m tired of this waiting game! Is anything ever going to happen??”
But then I heard God say that I’ve only been saying that I’m at the end of my rope because I’m sick of waiting. It’s my way of trying to force something to happen, my own little subtle rebellion. And it’s not going to work. But by showing me that rope, God threw me a life line. He told me, “Little by little, Hallie. Until you have increased enough.” The fact that I saw rope all along the entire path set before me gives me assurance that God is in control and that he is sovereignly working his plan in his time. These days are not purposeless. I’m not just wasting time right now. He has not forgotten me. He is taking care of me, and he is using me for his glory…which is really all I’ve ever wanted anyway.
So I’m going to keep waiting. Only now it doesn’t feel so much like waiting. It kinda feels more like…living.
Love it, Hallie.
These lines “These days are not purposeless. I’m not just wasting time right now. He has not forgotten me. He is taking care of me, and he is using me for his glory…which is really all I’ve ever wanted anyway.” are beautiful and so true.
This post spoke to me in so many ways today. Thank you.
Glad to know that it not only makes sense, but actually touches your heart too. Take care, Heather!
I know you’ve heard “Life is journey, not a destination.” While you feel like you’re “waiting”; you must live your life! Today is ALL we have; not the promise that something we want is going to happen tommorrow. While we strive for what we want for tommorrow, we must also live like there will be no tommorrow. Don’t be so wrapped up in what you want that you forget to appreciate what you have today. As we prepare to sell our house because of health issues and the burden of so much work around here, it’s hard to remember that. It’s been hard not to “wait” for tommorrow ( a sold house) to come. I have neglected to appreciate the beauty of where we live, thereby sacrificing the peace that comes with that appreciation of what I have today. Not noticing the sky, the birds, the land, being burdened with the work and maintanence of this place has robbed me of my peace. While I am preparing for the house to sell, as well as wondering where to go next, I notice the crane that flies across my yard every morning at a specific time, knowing God brought him there just for me to enjoy. I am noticing how beautiful the view is from my patio, I am listening to the cows and the many kinds of birds. Thank you, God, for everything I have today, everything I am today! I look forward to tommorrow with joy and anticipation, but not with the worry or anxiety of waiting.